Every City Sucks: Pittsburgh

Hey, you’re back! Awesome. I thought I’d change things up for the third installment of Every City Sucks. That is, I’m reviewing a city I actually like. Come along as I explore the Monroeville Mall!



I like Pittsburgh; it has a certain working class charm to it. It’s one of those small, marginally-kempt cities where buildings are used until they collapse from sheer exhaustion, meaning it has a faint antiquated air, which I find pleasing. At one point, there’s a tall, green hillside overlooking a river that is simply lousy with houses, and not new houses either. The traffic wasn’t overly bad, the people weren’t total buttwads, and the layout was simple.

I first visited Steel City in the summer 2005; long story short, me and some other people that, unfortunately, I associated with at the time drove up from West Virginia to see the Pittsburgh Pirates get their asses handed to them by the San Diageo Padres. First time I’d ever been to a real ball game. Well…there was that soccer game I saw back in the late nineties, but that hardly counts. I can barely recall it, and all I got was my shirt signed by some minor league A-hole named A.J. Wood.

Anyway, as you might know, I’m a fan of horror movies, and Pittsburgh is home to the holy grail of horrordom: The Monroeville Mall, a vast indoor shopping mall where the seminal 1978 classic Dawn of the Dead was filmed. That was the only damn thing I cared about. Stopping there was out of the question, but fourteen year old me hoped to at least see the damn thing.

And I did. From the corner of my eye.


Then came 2012. In June, I rode out to Ohio for a convention and stayed with my publisher in a shithole called Ravenna. My publisher and her husband proved amiable hosts, and I got to meet some of the other authors in their employ, if you will. At the end of a long weekend, I set off back home, and convinced my awesome girlfriend, who drove, to go two hours out of our way to visit the Monroeville Mall.

And this time, we actually stopped. I got to walk the halls, snap photos, eat at the food court, and peruse this little museum they have dedicated to Dawn.

Pittsburgh is so awesome.















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